Tomas - My life with heroin

Slovak original | Home

© 1998, recorded and translated by JK, Droga a Ty


This is just a non-professional translation. Any corrections or improvements are welcome to day@drogy.sk


I am 26 and started with heroin as 20. At first it was a heroin cigarette offered by my friend. It looked like an ordinary Marlboro and at first I thought he talked balls when he "pushed it to his head" in a special manner and made a face like a VIP. Probably he himself felt like a VIP. So why not? I tried it myself (Damned this first cigarette! I say today). It really was not an ordinary Marlboro! I got sick and vomited. The cigarette in difference to marijuana joint looks really quite normal. You simply pour out some of the tobacco, add heroin powder, shake to the whole volume and make filter shorter. So I started - at the beginning rarely. When I started to work for security and guarding firm there lived a dealer in the house I guarded. And he often invited me to a cigarette. Eva, who made a whore, was my girlfriend at that time and money were absolutely no problem. She might have not done it just for dope at that time but later she went down and did it solely for the dope.

From cigarettes we moved to tinfoil. Powder heroin should be heated on a piece of a tinfoil and the smoke it produces is inhaled to mouth by any tube. And a coll of ordinary Marlboro afterwards is usual.

We had a nice life then - always driving a good car and so on. Heroin became a habit for me and my body already needed it. And without it a crisis came. Nobody can really understand it what it is unless he experienced it himself. And would try to give you advice simply to stop. And so at the time of crisis we came to one junkie and we all had just a quarter of gram for 300 crowns. And it is really too little for three. We felt terribly so we didn't care even if it were through the needle. And when you had been accustomed just to smoking or a tinfoil - the first time by needle it really made a difference, really a bomb.

So we continued with needle, especially when money went gone. Meanwhile I parted Eva and started to steal because of dope even at home. I lived with my mother and younger brother. Father left us when I was 16. I mind we nearly do not exist for him. At my birthday he doesn't visit us just makes a call. Mother had been pretty busy to make a living for us from her 4500 crowns monthly salary. And even managed to save something. She had been saving for a long time to buy a crystal vase that I also changed for heroin. Not speaking about a meat I collected from a fridge. There is really one happiness with all that misfortune I have: my good mother that suffered because of me a lot and did not throw me away from home. And I really love her.

Now I am 2 months on outpatient treatment. Going twice weekly to a community, take codeine, tramal, nitrazepam and rohypnol. And all these two months I am clean from heroin. I do realise it's just a substitution that helps me to overcome crises that inevitable come after stopping with heroin. But it works and helps me. Even if it's difficult for me as there live some more addicts in our block and when I watch from window I can see quite clearly whether they bring the stuff depending on the direction they come from. And then I have to imagine how they inject it...

Methadone - yes, I know what's the matter but I don't want it. I've heard from guys that are treated with it how strong it is and dependence is bigger than on heroin, that you buy diluted anyway because everybody across whom it comes cuts it by something. You have to visit daily the treatment centre in Hranicna to get your dose. No chance to get more - otherwise it would be dealt with immediately.

I am not one of those that run with prescription immediately to a pharmacy and even in front of the pharmacy they push it to themselves - it seems to be a   gluttony for me. Also in the morning when I get up I don't take medicine immediately. Only when I feel I'm becoming bad. Also when I had a crisis on heroin I bought only for 300 crowns (quarter of gram) even if I just had 1000 and it helped me to get just from crisis - nothing more.

I have to get rid of it and start normal life. I have to find something worth enough to be followed. E.g. the work where I see something done - building houses or so. I worked at security services I not enjoyed it. Can I see something done? I used to work terribly much - one month I had 288 hours and earned only 5000 crowns!

Now I do not work and live with my mother. I don't dare to work before I get rid of it. But it's awful nothing to do. Maybe I'd accept a volunteer job some hours weekly to see something useful. Sorting second hand clothes at charity? Why not?

I liked going outdoor and I might start again. I remember beautiful impressions from backpacking - walking or at river. Once I started to climb a rock just behind a camp in Middle Slovakia. Without any equipment like a  dull,  you know. In the middle of the rock I realised what I was doing. I could not climb down and got fearful. I had to continue up and I managed in some way. The amazement I felt when walking down the path I'll never forget.